Before I say anything else, I have a warning. Don't ever run in 25 degree weather with no gloves or something to cover your mouth. I have never been so cold in my life as I was yesterday! I thought it would be a good idea to run 3 miles wearing a light jacket, capri spandex, and a long sleeve shirt. I swear my insides were frozen until this morning. Not to mention, the air quality sucks. All around, it probably wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had, but at least I did it. It helps that I think of someone when I run, otherwise I probably wouldn't have finished that run yesterday. The person I thought of was Sunny. I have never met her, but I know that she struggles, and I wanted to finish that run for her. So, Sunny, that was for you girl!!! I hope you felt my strength being passed to you :)
The last few days I've learned a lot of lessons. I have been told since the start that I will find out who my true friends are through this process, and who isn't. I didn't really believe that to be true until this weekend. I am so grateful for friends of mine who are real, who don't talk behind my back, and who just get it. I hate how sometimes you feel like you've found a best friend, then when you go through a big change you realize the friend you had was clearly just a surface friend, not a friend for life. It's never fun, but such is life. Sometimes it takes these types of experiences to learn the greatest lessons. I also saw first hand just how glad I am that I don't party anymore. When you are the sober one looking at everyone else, it makes you wonder what you were like when you were drunk. I'm sure I annoyed a lot of people. I was always the life of the party, taking the most shots, dancing, and probably a lot of other things that I don't have any recollection of. The night after a party I usually got a few texts from people telling me things I did that I didn't even know, or videos of myself doing stuff. I am so glad I don't have the desire to be a part of that anymore. I have felt so much peace come into my since I quit. It's like God is saying to me "Finally Amelia!! I've tried to tell you that peace does not come from inside the bottle!" I now know that Peace is something you have to find inside yourself. I haven't found it all the way yet, but I'm on my way. Right now, peace to me is simply waking up with a clear mind not having to check my phone or Facebook to see who I talked to or what I posted. Peace is sleeping through the night and not throwing up every morning in the shower. That may sound weird to some of you, but for me right now that is peaceful. I will never take waking up feeling good for granted ever again. You shouldn't either. There are lots of people who wake up sick every morning just to start it all over that day. Although it's still a struggle, every day gets a little better than the day before, and I will continue to pray for all the alcoholics out there who need it.
So, on Thursday I completed step 3. What an amazing feeling. Step 4 starts this week! Through the process this is where I start really working, instead of just doing lots of reading with Cindee. This is where I start taking a personal inventory of myself, who I've hurt, who I've resented, how my drinking has affected my relationships, etc. It's scary thinking of what is going to come up, but it has to be done in order to heal. There is a third step prayer that I have been saying every morning when I get up, and every night before I go to bed. Cindee tells me to keep it with me wherever I go, so that's what I've done. I take it everywhere. It goes like this: "God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and The Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" I love that :) it brings me peace. I know that the only way I am able to free myself from the bonds of alcohol is thru God. There is no other way. I'm relearning how to rely on God again even though it's difficult. I know it is only thru God that I am free. So, yay for step 4! Makin my way :)
50 days! I am so happy and it feels so surreal looking at that number. Somebody please pinch me! I can't believe I have made it 50 days! This is absolutely the most incredible experience in my life to date. I love waking up in the morning, I feel so excited for the day rather than feeling anxiety and guilt. Thank you God. Thank you. I hope this post finds you all happy and healthy: I love you.
So FREAKING cold!!!!!!! My mouth was frozen.
How does Annie sleep like this??
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