Day 20....this is definitely a test.

I had a dream last night that I took a shot of vodka and didn't make it to 20 days. I remember knowing in my dream that it wasn't real and telling myself to wake up, but I couldn't.  I hate those dreams! When I woke up I immediately turned on my phone and looked at my app. 20 days. It said 20 days. Wow. WOW. I don't really have the exact words to say how I felt when I saw that. 20 days. I feel like I could say that all day.  That was probably one of the worst nightmares I've ever had last night.

The past few days since I last wrote have definitely been a little bit more trying, but I've somehow made it thru.  I know now more than ever that it is Gods will that I am sober.  This is an absolute miracle that I haven't drank in 20 days.  I think my friends in Montana wouldn't believe it til they saw it.  

The last few days I've noticed that Annie hasn't been feeling very well.  I thought that maybe it was because she is coming into heat (sorry for the TMI), so I didn't really think much of it.  Tonight when I came home from work it was really bad.  I've been over emotional so of course I burst into tears when I saw her.  Let me just say that when I walked in my room it didn't look pretty. You can imagine maybe what she had been doing while I was at work.  So, I called the emergency vet number and spoke to the technician who told me to bring Annie in tonight.  Now those of you who know me know that I HATE driving in bad weather.  It is honestly one of my worst fears. Another thing people know about me is that my dog is my life. I would jump in front of a moving bus before Annie got hit. So, before we left I got down on my knees with Annie in my arms and just prayed that everything was going to be ok.  I just cried asking God to please help me to make it there safe and that Annie would be ok.

When we got there Annie was so scared.  She hates the vet.  They took all her vitals and everything seemed ok.  The vet then said that we needed to do a blood panel.  I asked her how much that was going to be and she said 165. That didn't even include the visit.  My mouth dropped. She left me there to think for a while, and when she came back I told her I would do it. After they took Annie back I was calculating all my finances in my head wondering if I could afford it.  I got a $300 bonus at work last week so I figured I would do it and figure it out later.  Well, they took her blood and everything looked ok, just a couple of minor things not to worry about.  They put her on a stomach pill to help with her symptoms, and sent me on my way.  When it was all said and done I paid $261 tonight.  As soon as I left I called my sponsor to talk and vent.  I love her.  She just listens to me, helps me thru, and helps me stay in control when I feel like I may lose it.  Usually I lost it on the bottle, but tonight I didn't. Thank you Brookie, I love you girl.  I think I have the best sponsor in the world.  I could have walked out of there so upset that I had to spend that money, but instead I decided to count my blessings and remember the positive about not only today, but the last 20 days.  I am sober. I am SOBER!! Its a saturday night, and although there was a little hiccup at least I can go to sleep tonight with the two things that are most precious to me.  Annie and my sobriety.  I have both of those and no one is going to take them from me.  So, whoever it is out there trying to get me to open up that bottle, you're going to have to try a little harder. My God is bigger than you :) 

Step #2 "Come to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity", I think I am starting to believe that.  This step has been so eye opening for me.  It may take a while before I move to step 3, but that's ok. One day at a time....